My Journey Healing From Chronic Illness and Pain
Hi beautiful people, thanks for listening to the HIP: Health Is PowHer Podcast Episode # 13. First off, thank you so much for choosing our podcast/website and being here today. I do want to provide and gift you with as much information and resources as humanly possible to help women all over the world recover and gain back their lives from chronic illness and pain. And if you do have a chance when you’re finished with this episode and blog post to share with friends, family and colleagues, or on your social media. Please subscribe, rate, and review the podcast as we cannot possibly reach as many women needing this without your help.
So let’s dive in as I think it’s important I start sharing why I built Health Is PowHer in order to build a community of us and that healing is possible, and it’s not just about medicine, supplements, nutrition, and exercise. There’s so much more to it including the emotional pain, the disconnect from our own spiritual needs, and the incredible power we have at truly healing ourselves.
I also wanted to let you that even though it’s super personal and I don’t tell many people - not even my immediate family (except my husband of course). But the whole point of starting this podcast and this community of “us” women is to know that healing is possible and that I am an example, well one of many examples of recovering from chronic illness again and again and finally learning how to maintain being well.
I was pretty much healthy as a kid except the typical normal injuries and colds and ear infections, but then drank the unfortunate unpasteurized Odwalla juices back when I was 14 years old in my freshman year of high school and developed appendicitis from E. Coli poisoning when their apples fell on cow manure. After emergency room visit and misdiagnoses - it turned out that after severe abdominal pain and illness for about 2.5 months before I went to a doctor who found I had an acute abdomen (meaning an emergent surgical intervention needed to be done right away or I’d likely die) - b/c my appendix was leaking infection all over my belly and insides causing what is called “peritonitis”. This is a very severe infection that nearly caused sepsis (blood infection/systemic infection) throughout my whole body, so I had emergent surgery to cut out the dead parts and wall off the infection and drain the abscess from my belly for a couple weeks at the hospital on IV antibiotics.
Somehow my gut was never the same and then my health seemed to get hit thereafter leading to several chronic illnesses, chronic infections and autoimmune diseases during medical school and residency (hence the reason why after multiple conventional medical appointments - while I was diagnosed and conventionally treated on medications/steroids/antimicrobials and hospitalizations, I just didn’t want to feel that chronically fatigued and ill. I could barely get out of bed on some days. I could barely walk without being short of breath. Just walking around like a zombie for a couple years.
That’s what led me to find some out of the box healthcare professionals in integrative and functional medicine. After getting some help using some of the integrative tools and therapies like nutrition and intravenous vitamin C therapies, I was able to do a lot more and feel more healthy and alive, though it still wasn't perfect. This is what led me to pursue a fellowship in integrative and functional medicine at an accredited institution leading to one of my board certifications.
And it was such a huge learning curve, researching as many studies and evidence for integrative and complementary therapies, conducting my own research studies, educating physicians in training as fellowship and residency director. I took care of all ages and genders, but mostly saw quite a few women and obviously children since I’m board certified in pediatrics too.
My patients and I were mirror images of each other, me with my chronic illness and my patients' with theirs. I was able to learn so much from them. And though I was able to help them, I didn't find it to be complete.
I had no idea what to do with their intense, complex pain and symptoms even with all my years of training b/c everything I was recommending was not helping as much as I would like.
So I went to acupuncture school but here’s the kicker - despite all the acupuncture, nutritional changes, food elimination, intravenous therapies, supplements, recommosurgeries, etc.. while it helped, not all of my patients healed.
And then that’s when I developed my own pain - initially severe pelvic pain after a flu vaccination (which we never discovered was the initial insult until 3 years later after repeat flu vaccinations and association with debilitating pain). And after Pelvic PT, medications, bladder cocktails, acupuncture, it mostly improved until the last flu vaccination left me nearly disabled (akin to what my medical team calls a Guillain-Barre episode) about 4 hrs later after anaphylactic episode and severe muscle weakness and acute leading into chronic pain (everywhere)
Pain truly is felt in the brain - that’s where we process pain. As long as something’s not anatomically or physiologically causing the pain like metastatic bone cancer pain (as one example), chronic pain is generally a protective mechanism to tell you something’s wrong whether it be emotional or physical (generally chronic pain is more on the emotional and mind-body spectrum, after being evaluated to make sure nothing physically is going on) you from stress, emotions, trauma, difficult experiences and relationships, not being worthy, not living out the authentic you, being used, manipulated, abandoned, being angry, unable to forgive, the list goes on.
And we haven’t given whatever it is causing this emotional pain, anger, and depression the light of day to process and be released from the body. To let that emotional pain be released from the body.
For me, I sort of was this highly sensitive individual, aware of what other people wanted from me. And maybe because one of my core beliefs of not being enough, not being worthy, being wrong, and not deserving… I was everything that other people wanted. I was so highly aware and empathic and knew exactly who to be for other people. I was so incredibly adaptable. A shapeshifter in my own right.
And I had no boundaries. I wasn’t living out my own needs and wants, but everyone else’s. i didn’t have boundaries with friends, with relationships, with family, my parents. And definitely working hard to make sure everyone else is happy, forgetting about my own happiness. And all my energy was being taken - I allowed everyone just to take my energy and I had nothing left for myself. And that’s when illness would set in. It would be a different illness every time. That would be my wakeup call! LIke, hey Anna!!! You’re not living out your dream, your life, your authentic self. You’re a morphing blob of emptiness.
And so then I learned that it was about no longer taking abuse, being manipulated, used from bosses, colleagues, friends, boyfriends, and stepping up to say “NO”.
And heck it was scary that I’d get retaliated against, and yes I was, but it was worth it and led me to figure out what I really want, what environment I want to be in, what team I want to work with, the husband I want to be with and so on.
And finding out who the real authentic Dr. Anna is, and allowing myself to create in this world, bringing my own gifts no matter how weird or different they are - to help people. I think that’s our divine right , living out the real you, the spirit of yourself instead of hiding your light.
And then allowing the forgiveness, the anger, the hurt, the grief, the sadness to be recognized, to show me the real truth of what’s going inside me instead of ignoring it. And then slowly learning to release and to heal the emotional pain. That’s when I started to truly heal the autoimmunity, the pain, the chronic fatigue.
And it comes with super hard choices, super hard life changes -
for example, letting go of relationships that are hurting you but are serving you in some way (maybe hiding the loneliness or having someone make you feel special or be recognized in a way you couldn’t give yourself). Being financially independent and working your butt off to survive and have a sustainable and comfortable life.
Maybe it’s leaving a job that has so many wonderful things about it, but devastating in terms of not fulfilling your spirit, your needs, your wants. That little whisper that tells you over and over this is not what you love and it’s not who you are - though you get recognition and a good salary and benefits and all the things that are cushion and safe.
And we are all learning, but maybe just maybe our bodies, our spirit is so incredibly powerful that these messages come in all kinds of forms, including health issues, illness, disease, symptoms that we need to pay attention to, put in the work, and change it in order ot heal.
I’m still learning, new things come up all the time in terms of illness and symptoms teaching me to get back on my path, get back in touch with my own spirit, the Anna I am.
So shine bright sisters, you are not alone and you can/will heal. ANd it takes love and connection and awareness and willingness and of course a little bit of work. Let us know what you want and who you are and your struggles over on Instagram @Health_Is_PowHer.
Join us this week and subscribe, rate and review our podcast on iTunes, Stitcher or Spotify.
With Love, Dr. Anna