What To Do When You Are Being Manipulated and Used

Podcast Episode 78 with Dr. Anna Esparham, MD

When You Feel Manipulated

If anyone has ever worked in their life, then I’m sure they’ve experienced manipulation or the feeling of being used, influenced, or worse - coerced. Emotional manipulation is a common method to control or influence others, potentially exploiting vulnerabilities, experiences, triggers and past traumas. 

Manipulation is fairly common in the work environment and within relationships - friendships, partnerships, marriage. 

I read an article in Frontiers in Psychology about how the psychological literature describes these manipulators in the work environment as “Machiavellians”. Back in the 16th century, Machiavelli wrote “The Prince” describing how to gain power and prestige.

 Many leaders in positions of power can be perceived as determined and charismatic by their followers. Which may be why many of us elect these people to power. They carry an aura of confidence and energy that we hope to cash in on. They seem like they have it together, so maybe they will ensure our lives will be better. 

However, that charisma and superficial act of confidence may be just the means to an end that most people use to gain positions of power.  And many of these people in power may lack the ethics of a true role model, engaging in gaslighting, sabotage, and lying (or a more subtle distortion of the truth). 

So back to the article, they found that these Machivellians have a tendency toward unethical manipulation and deception, including hiding knowledge (in other words, not speaking truth). In other opinion articles I’ve read, especially in the field of business, promote manipulation behaviors by leaders specifically “to manipulate their employees into a common goal”. 

However, many of us feel violated when being manipulated or used without our consent.  We get angry, ashamed, and then guilty for getting angry and allowing the manipulation. Maybe we’ve encountered so many of these people before, letting them into our lives, always hoping for the best, and they always somehow disappoint.  

And then we think what’s wrong with us??  A typical feature of a person who manipulates. They will always make you feel like you’re the wrong one.  You’re the guilty party. They take advantage of low self-esteem. They twist your words and distort the truth and situation to their benefit.  And make you apologize!

And when you’re around them, you feel drained and maybe even a little bit irritable, off your game, stressed out, and then, more often than not, angry. 

There are many layers to these interactions with a manipulative person. Underneath is the psychology and how it affects our emotional and mental health. And there’s some great articles for leaders and employees on how to deal with these people, so if you’re one of these people who has come across a Machiaviellian (which I’m sure you are), look at the open access Frontiers in Psychology journal or learn about it online - so many resources on what to do with these people. 

And of course if it’s related to work, talking to your leadership or employee relations about how to deal with the conflict between the parties.  

But the biggest insult from these people comes to our aura, chakras, and energetic layers.  These power hungry people don’t have much of their own energy to rely on, so they love to take bites of ours in order to function and gain the power that they need.  And it is so important to keep our energy field healthy, shielded, and flowing.  These Machiavellians can soak up our energy like a sponge stealing it all for themselves. 

And these are the tools I have come to learn to work with in order to keep my cap from blowing and maintaining my energy levels:

One of the healing tools I’ve recently learned from Debra Lynn Katz, an author and energy intuitive, is to ground any foreign energies by visualizing an energetic cord (it can be a tree root, a golden plasma field rod, a rope, pure energy of different colors, etc..) from your body to the center of the Earth. Visualize this cord move up your chakras starting at your root chakra located at the base of your spine/seat visualizing a cleansing of this Earth energy through your chakra to release any negative or foreign energies back down to the center of the Earth where it dissipates and goes back to its original owner if there was one.

And then move up to the sacral chakra (the area of your reproductive organs) clearing out any negative or foreign energy that is not yours back down to the center of the Earth.And all the way up to your Solar Plexus chakra in the middle of your stomach to the Heart chakra, the throat chakra, the third eye, and crown chakra. Allow the energy of the Earth to flow out of your head and connect with God’s energy or cosmic energy flowing from the universe down through all your chakras filling you with positive energy. 

And then when you’ve finished this visualization, call back your energy from any event or situation with the person that you find is manipulating you, or taking your energy. However, before you bring the energy back into your field make sure to have a filter to cleanse the energy before entering into your body.  

The more you do this on a daily basis, the more energy you’ll have when you have to interact with these people often!